Rupok Verses

SpellBound

2010-01-30T16:52:00.006-07:00

You cast mysterious spells

And muse, fuse, seduce me

My heart says to go with the flow

Just let it be, let it be

But I can’t help sinking deep

Into the sea of uncertainty

Slow, soft kisses and innocent touches

Silently weakens the insecurity

All my thoughts halt

And await in a queue

I crush time in my mind

And loose myself in you

Efface the past

Erase the rues

Together we’ll knit dreams

Dared by few

5 AM

2010-01-30T16:49:00.001-07:00

Even now... I dream
One day you will be mine
A little thought of you
Still makes the dark shine

Thinking about you
In silence, in pain
Takes me back to
The memory lane

I am falling like a
House of cards
And thinking about
Burying these thoughts
After I give it a last shot

Revelation : Through a Broken Glass Jar

2009-10-24T23:54:00.002-06:00

Mesmerized in a fool’s paradise
Hiding from the eyes of despise
All the dreams that once committed suicide
Their haunting spirits are now emerging to collide.
The spells that awakened me, are turning into a curse
And your recurring demons are still ruling my universe
Words are moaning to let loose but my mind is just like a blank page
And these thoughts are screaming to liberate from the locked cage.
Release my soul, Set me free, and Let me go
I am way too exhausted to be a part of this inert show
I know you worked hard to choose the characters of your delicate play
But if you open your eyes and look around, you'll find who's now isolated all the way!

Heart Shaped Box

2009-05-05T19:57:00.002-06:00

I sealed you in my heart shaped box
Transparent
Crystal clear
Like my anaemic reflection
In the mirror

As I was filling up bottles of passion,
Never realized how you vanished
Through the key-hole!
And left my heart shaped box
Empty
Deserted…

Static Emotions

2009-02-27T17:10:00.011-07:00

If I do disappear since I lost my way,

Don't worry I will write you a note and draw you a sketch

Can we go back in time and undo the errors?

Because I am not ready to write the ending yet

Right now, I am a bundle of headache,

tangled with remorse, and withering in your absence,

like a wounded bird...

What I discovered is, the world is empty without you!

and I really AM lifeless without your touch

Didn't you notice my love, there is no sign of life,

in my doll like beauty.I wasn't blinking!!!

Insomnia

2009-02-21T19:06:00.015-07:00

On nights like this,
As sleep escapes my world
by lightly brushing my eyelashes,
The dimly lit lamp standing on my table,
looks like a drowsy exhausted sun,
in the bitter shadows of the cold room.
The light beam doesn’t reach my forcefully closed eyelids,
As I surrender myself,
to the dead silence of the ghostly night.

As darkness pulls the curtain down,
I try to loose myself in this solitude
But your unseen presence haunts me,
in this subtle tranquility,
as you vaguely appear out of the thick darkness
Silently touching me with your fingertips…
Gently kissing my lips...
Once again, my temptations break all the barriers
My blood cells start running frantically through the blue veins,
Like deafening drumbeats, my heart vibrates
Every single inch of me tries to feel you with all my senses

While my hands hysterically search for you,
it only hits back the disappointing thin air
I discover myself alone with a throbbing vacant heart
in this empty room at 4 am in the morning

Fading Canvas...

2009-02-13T00:39:00.010-07:00

When the evening casts upon the earth, most of the people do not perceive, what a bizarre painting is drawn behind the mesh of trees, through the tangled leaves, on the naked sky. When the radiant beam of light, wheels down the sky slowly, all of a sudden three-four pieces of ghostly clouds float around in this oblivion. And from the blackish shadows of the pallid trees, like an anaemic phantom, appears thick fog like, smoky, vaporous little particles. While an invisible painter, brushes stroke of black, red, and white color on the west sky. The distant landscape hastily rolls up its vibrant carpet from the background. The shadows grow tall to taller, and a black spider keeps on weaving webs of darkness.

This is how little beauties fade away from our life, like an unnoticeable masterpiece. As darkness devours the glorious horizon, everyday I find it miraculous to find myself alive and breathing in this medieval painting...

A Saucer full of Gibberish Thoughts with a Lunatic Flavor ...^&*+!?

2009-02-10T16:41:00.012-07:00

Three most important pillars of the story...

1. Moonlight

2.Mind Machine

3.Fractured Leg

First of all, it is really difficult to sleep with an aircast on your leg. Secondly, I am missing moonlight super badly. I am just feeling like holding moonlight ( which means literally holding the silvery ray )in my hands and forget about the world. It may sound absurd, but I do have severe lunar effects on me. At least if I could just have a glimpse of moonlight, it would have magically bring back all the colors in my world instantly. Since none of them are possible right now, I decided to brushfire my gibberish thoughts through words. I was writing on my journal, but after a while I got really tired of writing with the pen, and my hand writing, which is always straight like a rail track changed into zigzag rows of curvy mountains. Therefore, I decided to use the technology!

Story#1:-

My mind is actually a thought producing factory. It is divided into various sectors; different divisions are processing different type of thoughts. On the way to the factory, at first you have to cross a labyrinth. It is a combination of thousands of alleyways, where my thoughts are running, rushing, sometimes bumping into each other and blending everything up. On the gateway to the factory, where the labyrinth ends, "Thought catchers" are waiting at the entrance. They catch the thought(s) which manages to reach the end of the maze and deposit them to the factory ... into the machines.

Story#2:-

Ok something else have popped in my mind. Unfortunately, I am a really restless person. I can not focus on to one thing for a long time. Only one thing is constant in my factory and it is the thinking machine that is endlessly producing thoughts regarding moonlight ( I have already mentioned the moon hypnotized me!) Other than that everything else is just a bundle of nerves. Again, I am tilting from the topic, one thing that popped in my mind was - How is a fractured leg connected with the mind machine? I am upset because I have a fractured leg. Instead of writing about that, why on earth, am I describing the mind factory?!, which is anyways located in a top secret planet --- My H e a d!

...Back to Story#1 + conclusion :-

The main problem of the factory is --- Diversity. There are too many machines here, which keeps on producing infinite thoughts at a time; and eventually ends up throwing me into a vigorously whirling cyclone of confusion. Therefore, that is the reason why I am so confused and restless all the time. So jumping from moonlight to mind machine to fractured leg, is NOT really that absurd thats why.

P.S: I am REALLY...

Upset---> Fractured Leg

Bored---> Walking is forbidden for me at the moment

Angry---> Neverending Lectures!!!

Sad------> I am Truly missing Moonlight :'(

The restlessness and confusion do not apply to Moonlight though...

Moonlight is absolute and constant!

Few Lines from The Play "Reality"

2009-01-05T01:49:00.006-07:00

I am not mad, I am not angry, I am not sad.
I am not dead either.
I do feel the pain until numbness takes over … but not fully,
It is a trance like state where the blurry reality is only a glimpse.
You were my perfect angel…
Little did I know that you will deceive me like this.
I am shocked! Shattered!
Not about the incident but the lies.
These lies just crushed the impression of a perfect Angel,
I preserved in my mind for so long.
The Angel fell and so my dreams were slaughtered.
I suffocated them with my own hands.
Lies!
How could you lie to me like this my dear?
Did you ever even bother to realize how very much you meant to me?
And you still do mean A LOT to me without any doubt.
But these lies, just weakened the strong pillars of trust-I had for you.
You wrote a song- full of words unknown to you
You played that song, saying that it is dedicated to me only
When you, yourself, did not know what it means.
What an illusive journey I was going through
It was a broken mirror where delusions were portrayed as truth
I really wonder, how many masks a person can possibly wear?
All these time you have been publishing fables which did not mean anything to you
This is the part of the story tormenting me so much
I seriously do not care what you did or what your future plans are
You could just show the REAL YOU to me...
I would have still be the same and so my feelings for you...
What a fool I am!
Could not comprehend your acting skills before…

Here are my deepest apologies regarding the fact-
I just buried the special feelings I had for you
Maybe a bit of respect too
However you ARE still a very special friend to me
No matter what, I will be always there for you
It is not just a saying, It is a promise.

Just erase all the past lyrics from your head
Cause this is a new beginning…
A new me …
An unknown you…
A new chapter of the novel is about to be written...

Me, My world and...

2008-12-20T14:15:00.015-07:00

When I am sitting alone and doing nothing in particular, unconsciously I drift away in my own world. An intoxicated longing to loose myself in this tempting solitude awakens in me; where it is only me, me and me. Never before, I let any intruders enter this very private kingdom of my own, where I rule and my thoughts follow. Besides why would I do so? When I know that no one will ever be able to decode my thoughts. Until without a warning, you stepped into my world. It is hard to interpret if I was shocked or surprised; but it sure left me oblivious of my surroundings. I don't remember if loneliness ever touched me. I was never solitary, other than in a crowd of plastic dolls. Because the mechanical existence of these fragile robots always left me in a motionless journey. However, I always had my own world and the three most important components that constituted my surroundings; my music, my journal and my sketchbook. If I had a pen, paper and my music to accompany me; what else did I need?
Until you came, out of no where. Even your unseen presence made everything upside down in my world. Was I shocked? I don't know… All I knew is that I was sinking in a sea of mysterious emotions. Yet I did not do anything to swim back to the shore. Because I thought the waves will hit me back in course of time. But as days are passing by this thirst is being more persistent. I don't know where it is leading me; I am just blindly following an unknown signal of a wrecked and ruined lighthouse. And for the first time in my life, what I NEVER felt before, I am feeling now… I feel lonely. The music is not helping, the sketches are resulting in doodles and the writings are only scribbles now. The empty walls are coming alive and talking to me. It is not only me and my world anymore, but you too. Sad but true, my world is now revolving around you...
Or maybe this is not me... because this can not be possibly me...

Redemption

2008-12-14T02:58:00.010-07:00

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I often do not recognize the person staring back at me. It devours me with the deepest sorrow when I see how pure and innocent her eyes are. I wish there was a way to go back in time to change those episodes of my life that offers me nothing more than remorse. A rushed force of suppressed emotions fills up my throat when I see how stained I am. Forgiving yourself is not easy for a guilt that is tormenting you for years; a kind of guilt where you were just a victim of the situation, yet a sense of self-hatred spreads in your blood like venom, because you feel so polluted. I tried to erase these unwanted memories that I have been bearing since I was four; memories that torture me inside. However, my attempts to efface these reminiscences always diminish in vanity. It is like they are inextricably tangled with my veins which I am unable to separate. Shall I ever be able to forgive myself? Am I worth of forgiveness? I wish I could lock these memories into a vault and throw the key into a sea.

I often feel like the dream catcher that is hanging on my wall is not functioning properly; because almost every night as soon as I close my eyes, I endure nightmares. Maybe that is how I turned into a nocturnal creature. A thousand sleepless nights are better than a nightmarish sleep. For years, I have been frantically seeking for salvation which led me no where but filled me with more revulsion. Is there any way to escape this unforgettable past? I absolutely have no clue.

Sometimes a flicker of hope sparks in me when those innocent eyes look back at me in the mirror, with a desperate assurance of a new luminescent morning. I discover that the one and only person who can save me from drowning in this repentance is I, myself. I am my salvation!

Imaginary Conversation

2008-12-10T04:27:00.002-07:00

I hear people talking in my head, continuously murmuring like a broken record player. At some point, my head starts hurting; as the crystal clear picture of me, tearing apart in a sudden explosion appears in front of my eyes...
Seriously, I need a break !

Are you there?
Yes. I am.
I will be always there.
Then why can't I reach you, when I long for you so badly?
Because I am unreachable like that.
Although I am still there; right beside you, like a shadow.
Why! Why don't you let me fade into you then?
Why do you always draw a line between us?
When I crossed all the boundaries...
Because soon enough you will realize you can not possibly
penetrate me. I am more likely to be defined as a thick, dense cloud.
Mmmm... not really... to me, you are just like Rumi's poems...
"No body, No soul, You are from the soul of souls"
Warning!!!
You are loosing yourself in me...
You don't have to alert me... I realized that long time ago..
You should have taken some pre-cautions then...
Huh! you are talking about defenses..
*silence*
Can we save us from an agressive tornado or a devastating tsunami?
The situation is similar...
Hmmm.....*sighs*
All I can say is that you should find a way to come back to the reality.
Reality!?! huh.. your reality only knows how to betray me..
Do you even understand the gravity of the situation?
Throwing these memories into the garbage,
will completely make me hollow with nothing left inside...
They are my last portion of belonging which encourage me to breathe everyday...
Yet I will suggest you to confront the cruel reality.
"Reminiscence " is leading you to a dead end;
and the kind of dream you are experiencing,
is nothing more than a mere illusion.....
....... and you are too... just a momentary illusion.
It is for you to decide.
Are you actually?
I am confused.
Why did it feel so real then?
*silence*
Ah! What a fool I am!
You ARE actually,
That's why you are unreachable. Aren't you?
Can't believe I was dreaming for so long...
(silently whispers)
... Yes you were. Now it is time to wake up...
I will be still around though.. just like a shadow.
Or shall I say like a ghost?

....................
You were right...
My reality is actually collapsing into pieces; and there you
are..... still haunting me like a ghost....
What can I do other than blaming the nocturnal pollution that infected me....

<3

2008-12-08T02:43:00.002-07:00

I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU I l o v e YOU

Beyond INFINITY...

Although it will remain concealed forever
I am back to my camouflage...
Never again will I take off this disguise

Random bat talk at 4 am!

2008-11-30T04:00:00.001-07:00

It's exactly 4:03 am. Once again it's a sleepless night... with lots of meaningless thoughts overcrowding my mind. Currently bats are flying all over my head! I often like to think myself as a bat. There are couple of reasons behind this; firstly they are nocturnal (just like meee!), they are mysterious and there are thousands of myths about them. These myths are a mixture of good and evil. For example, bats are directly linked to villains like Darcula and heroes like Batman ( Both are my extremely favorite fictional characters, what a combination! ). To me bats are truely a very beautiful animal which many people consider to be a symbol of ghost, death or the devil ( how absurd!). I find microbats really fascinating because their senses of hearing works by emitting high-pitched sounds and listening to the ECHOES ( how suppa-duppa cool is that!). I really really hope I will be able to visit The Congress Avenue bridge in Austin, Texas, in the near future because it is the summer home to North America's largest urban bat colony! I would love to watch the bats leaving their roosts during twilight! One day, I hope!
I think that was enough bat talk for one night... well almost morning. OMG it's almost 5! and I still haven't finished my English essay about Mrs.Taylor's character ( =O ) ... I wish she was a batwoman, then it wouldn't have been so boring =(

Bittersweet Curse

2008-11-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

When all the pieces of puzzle fits perfectly together for the people closest to my heart, and leaving me the only clueless one, really makes me wonder if I am the marked black sheep among them? Or perhaps just cursed? Therefore, I search for the crypt to fade away; but the faint trail of the curse keeps on haunting me everywhere like a shadow. Wherever I am, it is always there; giving me a wicked look with a crooked smile with eyes full of pity saying,

“You can not run away from me, no matter what road you take, what path you follow, I AM ALWAYS THERE.”

Yet I keep on running; searching for a map and a compass to reach the end. Every time I reach it, disappointment hits me with a crippling frustration; because consistently I discover it as not the end, but only the beginning. I scream out loud, asking myself,

“Why couldn’t the curse be my knight in shining armor? Why do I keep on running after this illusion, mistaking it as a salvation?”

My unanswered questions remain vague and concealed. The curse flowing through my veins slowly poison me. What an addiction this is or shall I say a deadly hunger? I am cursed… cursed by life; and you are the cause and cure; hope and vanity; truth and lie;dream and reality...

The ugly face of life reveals, at certain points reality may taste like nightmares...while you are trying to escape your only destination....

A Secret Confession

2008-11-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

A musical soul with a silent heart…
Invisible I am, in a rusty, tarnished world.
But your presence penetrates my transparency,
with vibrant colors flushing inside me.
Solemnly written scripts rearrange my thoughts ;
leaving me utterly confused about the fact-
if this is a beautiful insanity or a dangerous dilemma?
Echoes of a sudden thirst fills me in,
and all I am aware of is that...
Secretly, I have dedicated my soul to you....

Abstract Life...

2008-11-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

Flashing lights distract me, silently steal away my attention. I feel so helpless, yet can not help being diverted. The sense of betrayal slowly swallows me. When you are leaving everything behind, sacrificing everything only because of me, in return all I am giving you is a formless vague draft of the future. No guarantee whether I will be able to reach it or not; at the moment chances and possibilities are spinning at the edge. I am struggling, fighting hard to step back to the reality, but seems like the more I am trying the more this saturated dream is pulling me back into deeper. With eyes full of blank notes, I stand on the same position like a statue. Countless unsaid words spontaneously race around my mind and fade away in course of time.

The long lost old tunes ring again. I open my eyes and confront the synthetic world… plastic dolls are chasing their fabricated dreams, and I am merely a sculpture on this drama stage… standing still...dazed and disoriented, yet breathing...

I wouldn't say I am lost..
I am just searching my way back to
..sanity..
..reality...

The Blazing Spark

2008-11-22T16:32:00.001-07:00

It all started with a secret dream, which was locked deep inside my heart. Long time ago, the key was lost in a labyrinth of my mind. The dream was fading away, as it lay there in a dark, obsidian heart. Everyday my futile attempt to save the dream was exposing the hidden world of frustration and failure. It was into too deep; preserved in a stone-cold heart. Hope and vanity was dissolving within me and it was about time, for the dream to disappear forever. In the journey to this unknown realm of uncertainty, unexpectedly one day I met you. My heart started beating once again and I was drowning in an anonymous voyage. The electrifying spark of your piercing eyes deciphered the hidden code of my heart and the cryptic door was finally open. As the door unlocked, I was dazed to see that, thousands of blazing suns came rolling down like fireballs in my opaque, dim universe. In bewilderment, my eyes captured a view of the vivacious shades of life. Finally I identified how colorful the other side of the spectrum is.
My tranquil dream is now drowning me; and whenever I turn every corner of my life, despite all the darkness I always perceive that there is a shadowy light on my way. The strange, beautiful, sad tones of my life react with the intense spark of your eyes; and a chemical reaction occurs, releasing a new hope of LOVE and PASSION in me..... I see how dangerously beautiful this dream is through your hypnotic eyes.

I have got a feeling which is crashing me....
...and I am absolutely uncertain about its origin.